Following Your Dreams

when we are kids growing up we are told to follow our dreams.

but when we get to being a grown up, we are told to play it safe.
unfortunately, from what i have experienced, money has a lot to do with this. we have to be able to pay our bills, and we are always wondering where that next paycheck is coming from.
following our dreams is sometimes scary, it sometimes means stepping off that ledge not knowing what is coming next. it sometimes means going down a completely different path than you ever have. it sometimes means leaving your safety net of home, family, friends, whatever it may be.
as i continue to look at different options and try to determine what i want to do with my life, what my dreams are, a couple options keep coming back to me that are scary. they require me to step outside my safety net, go down a different path than i ever have, and yet, they keep coming back to me.

when was a time that you followed your dreams and did it pan out for you? i am interested to learn about your experiences.

adventuring! gone wrong...

so last night i decided to go out and have a good time. why not? i am only 21, you're only young once, and besides that i had free 6th row seats to the mercury game.
anyways...the night started off great! we went to the game, the mercury won (yay!), and we saw some great women's basketball.
after the game, we decided to almost get killed in the after game traffic and then hit this little restaurant/bar in downtown phoenix called Bliss reBar.

let me give you a little info here before i continue...i have a condition called endometriosis, so does my mom, and it is a terrible condition that some women are afflicted with. anyways, about 85% of the time i can keep my symptoms in check, but when i cant...bad things happen.

so anyways, we get there and decide to have a drink and all of a sudden i started feeling not so great. i went to the bathroom and when i came back i felt really dizzy, was seeing spots, and couldn't hear very well. so, i got a glass of water and sat on a bench. then, i started feeling super nauseous and decided i definitely needed to go back to the bathroom (didn't want to throw up on the patio of the restaurant, not very cool). so, i asked one of my friends to go with me in case i passed out in the bathroom, we stand up to go, and i didn't even make it to the bathroom. next thing i can remember i was hitting my head into something very hard as i hear "elli, elli, elli??? are you ok???" no, i was not ok. i blacked out and ran head first into the wall which had metal bars on it covering a window. (thank god or my head would have been through the window).

After the fentanyl! 

paramedics were called, dad was called, everyone at the restaurant thought i had passed out drunk, i looked like a fool I'm sure.
ended up going to the hospital with dehydration, which was just worsened by the pain i was experiencing, and coupled they were just too much for my body to handle.
so, i got to hang out in the ER for a few hours, get all sorts of tests done, get 2 bags of saline, fentanyl, zofran, and then sent home with instructions to watch for signs of head injury and stay hydrated.
not really the fun time i set out to have last night, but thankfully i am ok.

job, career, or calling?

Job:

•Financial rewards

•Necessary to life

•“Working to Live”

•Material Benefits

•Support to family

•Short-term in most cases

•No long-term investment

Career:

•Advancement

•Achievement

•Recognition & Power

•High Self-Esteem

•Climbing the Ladder

•Requires long-term investment

       •(Education/Training/Time)

Calling: 

•Personally fulfilling

•Labor of Love

•Makes a contribution to Society

•An end in itself

•Inseparable from rest of one’s life

•Life-long investment

I think a lot of teenagers look for a job, many older generations have looked for a career, and many Gen Xers (generation before me) and Millenials (my generation) look for callings.

I want to figure out what my calling is. I want to make a difference. I want to help others. 

So...do you have a job, career, or calling? What do you do and why do you classify it as such?

this week

this week i did a lot of things. here are the big ones.

questioned my future.
ate a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches. (cheap meal for the poor college student)
turned in my lease termination paperwork.
went to sprinkles where they did not have the type of cupcake i wanted. (or the kind laura wanted!)
applied for graduation. (which by the way is December 16th 4pm for those who like to plan ahead)
worked. a lot.
prayed for the people on the east coast.
did homework.
read more than i have in the past year.
slept.
played with the dog.

super exciting stuff people! let me tell ya.

where do i go from here?

it is disturbing to me how dead on these books i am having to read for school are. (My Reality Check Bounced and Never Eat Alone) i only wish i had read them a couple years ago.

i am the twentysomething almost college graduate who has no idea what she wants to do with her life, is unhappy in the job she is in, and is about to move back in with her parents.
so, where do i go from here?

i am not exactly sure, and i guess these books and classes are supposed to be helping me figure that out. i am not fantastic at anything, but i am good at a lot of things, so i dont have a clear specialization that i want to go into. i am passionate about a lot of things (specifically i love nonprofit, working with small children, and working with numbers - although those three dont necessarily go together), but not on fire about anything, so i dont really have a drive to jump head first into anything crazy. its too bad it took me until my last semester of college to figure all this out. and i still have a long way to go.

as a first step, i am supposed to ask the people closest to me what they perceive to be my greatest strengths and weaknesses in order to help determine where i go from here. so, what are my greatest strengths and weaknesses, in your opinion??

whew...its been a LONG time

so my mom told me the other day that she was sick of checking my blog and not having anything new to read.
i dont know that i have anything too interesting to say today, but gee, i didnt even know anyone was reading my blog!
aaaaaanyways...so why has it been such a long time since i blogged? and what the hell have i been doing?
well i can say one thing, i havent been doing much in the way of "giving back". unless you count the fact that i have been working 50-60 hours a week at a nonprofit working with kids every single day.
i count that.
also, i finished another semester of school AND...drumroll please............I MADE THE DEAN'S LIST!!!
i think it is pretty amazing that 2 years ago i almost failed out of school and this semester i got a 3.53 GPA. should have been higher, but we wont get into that....damn you professor kalika.
besides running our summer day camp program at work i have also been running our sports program still, and we finally opened our new gym which is SUPER exciting and opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for what we can do with our sports program. i cant wait!

well i guess that is all for now, ive got to go get ready. i finally got a few days off of work and today i am headed to cooler ground. this heat is killer and even if i can only get out of it for a few hours i will DEFINITELY take it.

Retarded...Really??

UPDATED: visit http://r-word.org/ for more information on this topic.

i must admit...i am one who has, and still do at time (accidentally), used the word retarded in a negative light.
growing up i did not have anyone who was physically or mentally disabled in my family, and i did not see how much this can hurt a person, and honestly, i never really thought about it.
even into my teen years, i didnt think twice about using the word.
until i met jadi.
thats horrible that i spent 18 years of my life in the dark about such situations.
sure i knew they existed...but did i care? nope.
how selfish was i?
over the past few years i have come to know jadi and the rest of her family (and ya know...her sister laura...hahaha) and it has really changed me.
like i mentioned, i do still used the word sometimes, but each time i do, i realize and it kills me that i just said it.
this blog: http://listeningthruthenoise.blogspot.com/2010/03/normal-to-who.html and this blog: http://theredneckmommy.com/2010/03/05/why-you-shouldnt-use-the-r-word/ are both great eye openers to the affects of the r-word, and they really give an inside look to the way that word affects families of a mentally or physically disabled individual.
using this word is just as bad as faggot or nigger or cracker or bitch or any other derogatory term we can use.
how would you feel if people went around calling their non working/stupid/slow/broken whatever a derogatory name about you?