the future

"what do you want to be when you grow up? "

a question we are asked our whole lives.
a question i still find myself contemplating.
although i guess its not as much of a what do i want to be but who do i want to be?
what do i want my life to look like?
what do i want out of my life?
and how the hell does anyone have the questions to this?

the future is not guaranteed.
i have seen that in my life plenty. from friends passing away at young ages, to individuals i know having miscarriages, to divorces, to family members suffering through diseases no one should have to suffer through. even another second on this planet is not guaranteed.
yet we all spend our whole lives planning for the future.
all growing up we focus on college, after college we focus on a job, then there's marriage, and kids, and retirement, and so on. its exhausting just to think about.
why are we so unable to just live in the moment?

i love the innocence of youth.
i look at my 3 year old nephew and he could care less who he will play with at preschool tomorrow, let alone where his life will be in 10 years.
so what changes?
when do we go from living in the moment to stressing over every detail of life?
why and how does this happen?

moving forward i want to attempt to live like a child.
not stress about the future.
of course i will still plan for it, budgeting, planning trips, things like that.
however i do not want to stress over the finer details of life.
in my experience even the best laid plans often get messed up just by life happening.
what is meant to be will fall into place and the details will work themselves out.