Equality for all!!! Well...for some...

Today was a HUGE win in the Supreme Court for gay rights.

There is no denying that.

Today an extremely discriminatory law was struck down and gay marriage must now be required by the federal government as equal to heterosexual marriage.
Seventeen years when DOMA was enacted I am sure that many gay and lesbian Americans thought this day would never come.
I personally remember sitting in my parents car at only 8 years old listening to the radio and hearing them discuss DOMA and wondering why people thought this law was wrong and how anyone would define marriage besides between a man and a woman, but at the same time I wondered why it really mattered, why did we need a law to define this?
Clearly I know now that this law was enacted with hateful intention to make it very clear that a gay or lesbian union was second class to a male/female union.
Today I am so thankful to know that I no longer live in a country with second class marriages. I live in a country where any marriage has the same rights under the federal law.


However...
There is still a LOT of work to be done. 

This photo shows the states in which gay marriage is now legal and will be federally recognized. 

THATS IT. 

Only 30% of Americans now live in states with Marriage Equality. 

What about the other 70%?? 

Note: there are other states that allow civil unions and domestic partnerships however those are still not recognized by the federal government. 

Sure, the other 70% of us could still go to one of these states and get our marriage license and receive SOME of the federal benefits. But is that really good enough? 

Not in my mind. 

In my mind that still makes my relationship second class because of who I love. That is not equality. 

When the day comes, I want to be able to walk down the isle with Lacey, say our vows, and sign our marriage license, in whichever state we happen to be living in at the time, and I want that marriage to be recognized by the federal government. 

I dont want to have to fill out new paperwork for every state that I move to. 

I dont want to have to worry when it comes time to have children if we have the right paperwork in place so that we have full rights at the hospital. 

We still have a long way to go for full marriage equality in the United States. 

Major strides have been made over the last few years and I am extremely thankful to live in this time of great change, but don't rest now, there is still a lot to be done. 

Today, we celebrate. 

Tomorrow, its back to work. 

Marriage Equality

"If you want to get married, go to one of the states that allows gay marriage."

This quote was referenced in a CNN news story today here : http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/26/politics/same-sex-marriage-court/index.html

Marriage. It isn't just about the title that it brings. The Mrs or the Mr. The ceremony and the presents. The piece of paper that says you are a married, committed couple. Sure those things are great. But the important part of marriage that is being denied to so many in this country is the rights and protections that come along with that piece of paper.

Imagine for me if you will, getting married and then getting a promotion in your job that will move you to another state. Great news! You got a promotion! Unfortunately, in the state you are moving to, your marriage is not legally recognized. So your spouse will no longer be receiving your benefits, we wont pay for their move, you will need a power of attorney on file with anyone you want them to be able to discuss finances or insurance with, oh and if they get in an accident and are in a coma, I'm sorry but you wont be able to see them. Terrible isnt it??

Or for you older married couples, imagine working your whole life knowing that if you pass away, your spouse will not receive your military retirement, or social security benefits, or any of the other things that you have set in place to take care of them when you are gone. Let's hope whoever you set up your will and life insurance with did it correctly, otherwise your spouse won't get anything from that either.

And worst of all, imagine not having any legal standing when it comes to medical issues. Imagine your spouse, or your child, gets injured in and auto accident and are dying. I'm sorry, but if you're in the wrong state, you cant see them, let alone make any decisions about their well being.

It isnt about the piece of paper or the title that comes with it.
It is about the safety and security that comes with the union. There are so many federal, state, and legal benefits that a spouse receives that a "partner" does not.
Let's take those benefits away from the married individuals who are arguing against marriage equality for just one year, and then let's see how they feel about equal rights.

Sure, I hope to one day have a beautiful ceremony in which I commit myself for life to the one I love, but more than anything on that day when I say "I Do," I hope to get the benefits that come along with a legally recognized marriage.

Death

Death is all around us. In the US alone there are almost 7,000 deaths every day and we dont notice.
It is a release from pain, whether mental or physical for the individual who dies, and, if we believe in an after life, it is the most beautiful time of their life.
But the death of someone close hurts.
It cuts like a knife.
It leaves you wondering what you missed out on with the person.
It leaves way too many thoughts of what could have been or what should have been.
When a person is elderly and has lived a full life and passes away, it still hurts severely for their loved ones. But they have a feeling of peace knowing that individual lived a full life with much love.
But when someone's life is cut short prematurely it seems so unfair. Whether from sickness, or accident, or suicide, or any other reason, it leaves those on earth with just one thought "This is so unfair!"
But is it truly unfair for the one who is gone?
The one who is gone is free from the pain they were suffering. Or would have suffered in the event of an accident.
They have a release from all that plagued their life.
It may not be what those of us on earth want, but we have to thank God that they now have found that release and peace in the afterlife.

This post is for all those whose lives have ended prematurely. But heavy on my heart tonight are Colin, Drew, Beth, Barbie, and Lynn.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go


Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore


Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore


Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go


There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be

the future

"what do you want to be when you grow up? "

a question we are asked our whole lives.
a question i still find myself contemplating.
although i guess its not as much of a what do i want to be but who do i want to be?
what do i want my life to look like?
what do i want out of my life?
and how the hell does anyone have the questions to this?

the future is not guaranteed.
i have seen that in my life plenty. from friends passing away at young ages, to individuals i know having miscarriages, to divorces, to family members suffering through diseases no one should have to suffer through. even another second on this planet is not guaranteed.
yet we all spend our whole lives planning for the future.
all growing up we focus on college, after college we focus on a job, then there's marriage, and kids, and retirement, and so on. its exhausting just to think about.
why are we so unable to just live in the moment?

i love the innocence of youth.
i look at my 3 year old nephew and he could care less who he will play with at preschool tomorrow, let alone where his life will be in 10 years.
so what changes?
when do we go from living in the moment to stressing over every detail of life?
why and how does this happen?

moving forward i want to attempt to live like a child.
not stress about the future.
of course i will still plan for it, budgeting, planning trips, things like that.
however i do not want to stress over the finer details of life.
in my experience even the best laid plans often get messed up just by life happening.
what is meant to be will fall into place and the details will work themselves out.

my generation

we are selfish.
we want things to come easily.
we want instant gratification.
we love technology.
we have passion for things.
we like to follow our passion.
we like to do things that matter.
we wont stick with a job just for longevity.
we want to enjoy what we do.
we always wonder if what we have is all that we could have.
we are always searching for more.
we like to solve things with an antibiotic.
we enjoy living in comfort.
overall, we are a pretty strange bunch.
but what generation isnt?

a couple years ago i took a class on generational differences in the workplace, but it really opened my eyes to so much more. there are so many differences from generation to generation. influenced by how the previous generation raised us. influenced by what is going on in the world around us. influenced by pop culture.
on a daily basis interact with just about every generation. i talk to people on the phone ranging in age from 18 all the way to 90+. seeing the differences really is so intriguing to me. i have so much respect for the generations that came before us, but i have just as much respect for the generations coming after us as well. its just a different kind of respect.
my grandparents sacrificed a lot, stuck with jobs for longevity, saved every last penny the could, and found their own comfortable.
my parents (well maybe not my parents specifically, but my parents generation), began job hopping a little more, began more innovation, tried to "keep up with the joneses", and still sacrificed a hell of a lot for their kids, although they also raised an awful lot of latchkey kids trying to have a plush lifestyle.
me? well i kind of described that above...
and those younger than me? well im still not sure what to think of them yet, although i do expect to see some amazing things come out of that generation. with all of the advantages they have, how could they not do amazing things? if we can just get them out from behind their phones/ipads/tv's constantly - they would see how truly amazing they are.

it amazes me just how different every generation is, but yet how similar we all are too. we all have hopes, dreams, passions, aspire to be something, have fears, stresses, and love.
funny the things that hold us all together. the things we can relate to each other through.
it intrigues me.

more to come on this subject...i am sure.