Death

Death is all around us. In the US alone there are almost 7,000 deaths every day and we dont notice.
It is a release from pain, whether mental or physical for the individual who dies, and, if we believe in an after life, it is the most beautiful time of their life.
But the death of someone close hurts.
It cuts like a knife.
It leaves you wondering what you missed out on with the person.
It leaves way too many thoughts of what could have been or what should have been.
When a person is elderly and has lived a full life and passes away, it still hurts severely for their loved ones. But they have a feeling of peace knowing that individual lived a full life with much love.
But when someone's life is cut short prematurely it seems so unfair. Whether from sickness, or accident, or suicide, or any other reason, it leaves those on earth with just one thought "This is so unfair!"
But is it truly unfair for the one who is gone?
The one who is gone is free from the pain they were suffering. Or would have suffered in the event of an accident.
They have a release from all that plagued their life.
It may not be what those of us on earth want, but we have to thank God that they now have found that release and peace in the afterlife.

This post is for all those whose lives have ended prematurely. But heavy on my heart tonight are Colin, Drew, Beth, Barbie, and Lynn.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go


Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore


Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore


Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go


There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be

the future

"what do you want to be when you grow up? "

a question we are asked our whole lives.
a question i still find myself contemplating.
although i guess its not as much of a what do i want to be but who do i want to be?
what do i want my life to look like?
what do i want out of my life?
and how the hell does anyone have the questions to this?

the future is not guaranteed.
i have seen that in my life plenty. from friends passing away at young ages, to individuals i know having miscarriages, to divorces, to family members suffering through diseases no one should have to suffer through. even another second on this planet is not guaranteed.
yet we all spend our whole lives planning for the future.
all growing up we focus on college, after college we focus on a job, then there's marriage, and kids, and retirement, and so on. its exhausting just to think about.
why are we so unable to just live in the moment?

i love the innocence of youth.
i look at my 3 year old nephew and he could care less who he will play with at preschool tomorrow, let alone where his life will be in 10 years.
so what changes?
when do we go from living in the moment to stressing over every detail of life?
why and how does this happen?

moving forward i want to attempt to live like a child.
not stress about the future.
of course i will still plan for it, budgeting, planning trips, things like that.
however i do not want to stress over the finer details of life.
in my experience even the best laid plans often get messed up just by life happening.
what is meant to be will fall into place and the details will work themselves out.

my generation

we are selfish.
we want things to come easily.
we want instant gratification.
we love technology.
we have passion for things.
we like to follow our passion.
we like to do things that matter.
we wont stick with a job just for longevity.
we want to enjoy what we do.
we always wonder if what we have is all that we could have.
we are always searching for more.
we like to solve things with an antibiotic.
we enjoy living in comfort.
overall, we are a pretty strange bunch.
but what generation isnt?

a couple years ago i took a class on generational differences in the workplace, but it really opened my eyes to so much more. there are so many differences from generation to generation. influenced by how the previous generation raised us. influenced by what is going on in the world around us. influenced by pop culture.
on a daily basis interact with just about every generation. i talk to people on the phone ranging in age from 18 all the way to 90+. seeing the differences really is so intriguing to me. i have so much respect for the generations that came before us, but i have just as much respect for the generations coming after us as well. its just a different kind of respect.
my grandparents sacrificed a lot, stuck with jobs for longevity, saved every last penny the could, and found their own comfortable.
my parents (well maybe not my parents specifically, but my parents generation), began job hopping a little more, began more innovation, tried to "keep up with the joneses", and still sacrificed a hell of a lot for their kids, although they also raised an awful lot of latchkey kids trying to have a plush lifestyle.
me? well i kind of described that above...
and those younger than me? well im still not sure what to think of them yet, although i do expect to see some amazing things come out of that generation. with all of the advantages they have, how could they not do amazing things? if we can just get them out from behind their phones/ipads/tv's constantly - they would see how truly amazing they are.

it amazes me just how different every generation is, but yet how similar we all are too. we all have hopes, dreams, passions, aspire to be something, have fears, stresses, and love.
funny the things that hold us all together. the things we can relate to each other through.
it intrigues me.

more to come on this subject...i am sure.

what is love?

"we accept the love we think we deserve"
"all you need is love"
"what is love?"
"tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"
"love never fails"
"i like my skechers, but i love my prada backpack." "but i love my skechers" "well thats because you dont have a prada backpack"

l.o.v.e. 
the dictionary defines it as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend, and sexual passion or desire."

does this really define love though? to me love is such a multi-facetted emotion. a lot of people throw the word love around like it is a five cent word, but to me it carries so much behind it. i think everyone experiences love in a different way. from receiving flowers, to a great hug, to taking a walk, to sexual relations, to simply spending time together, and everything in between. to me, there is no simple way to define love. 

to me, love really is all you need. sure, money and other wordly possessions are great, but can true happiness exist without love? not necessarily romantic love, but we all need to feel love. we feel this from our family, our friends, our pets, and others that are close to us. 

so tell me, how do you experience love in your life?

more than just exist...

as i was looking through old postsecret archives tonight, i came across this one and something about it just struck me to the core.

YES! this is exactly how i feel.

when i am old and gray i want to know that i have done more than just exist in this world.

i want to know that i have done something to make a difference in the lives of those around me.

i want to touch people in ways that i dont even realize.

i have searched for this in my career and i feel this is one reason why i want to go into RT so badly.

i am passionate about it because i will be making a difference. i will be doing more than just existing.

however, i want to do this in my personal life too. i hope those close to me can feel this. i really do try to make a difference in their lives.



what is happiness?

Webster's Dictionary defines Happiness as "a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy."
But what does that really mean?
Honestly, I think everyone could answer that differently.
Some people experience happiness daily, and others are unable to define what that even feels like.
For me, happiness can be described in a lot of ways; holding hands, a hug from my nephews, a great cup of coffee, seeing my dog after a long day at work, an awesome rainstorm, spending time with those I love, the list could go on and on.
To me, all of those situations fit the definition of "a state of well-being".
I know Webster's definition of happiness, and there are countless books out there about how to "experience happiness" or trying to define for me what happiness should be like, but I am interested to know your thoughts.
So, how do you define happiness? How do you experience it in your life?

my thoughts on Chick-fil-a

ok, so maybe these arent MY thoughts, but a friend of mine articulated perfectly how i feel about the whole chick-fil-a situation so i wanted to share. 

" I don't agree with his [Dan Cathy] personal beliefs. and I don't support every organization that the company [Chick-Fil-A] chooses to support. but the same can be said of nearly every single company. isn't the beauty of this country that we have the freedom to state our beliefs? cfa isn't going to start kicking people out who disagree with them. they aren't even going to kick openly gay people out (or frog/pig couples for that matter...). if I'm still welcome in their establishments, welcome to openly share my beliefs, and get a yummy chicken sammich out of it? someone explain to me how they're the ones at fault? when it comes down to it - everyone is still welcome and invited to share with them. and it irks me that the ones preaching and fighting for "equality" are unhappy that someone is sharing a belief different from theirs. yet that's at the core of why they argue - to see everyone get a say. they can't have it both ways. (this is coming from someone who adamantly supports equal rights, goes to an open & affirming church, and thinks rainbow Oreos are a cool idea. "

I dont understand when we lost the middle ground. why is it ok for me to want others to hear and share my beliefs but we are so intolerant of others opinions. it seems like so many people fight for "tolerance" right up until someone else's opinion is different than theirs. like stated in this quote above, Chickfila is not discriminating against gay couples, or kicking them out of their stores, the CEO of the company simply holds different beliefs than i do and he had the balls to publicly state them. 

I am not looking for a huge argument, I have heard the opinion of just about every single person I know on this subject and thought I would take the opportunity to share my opinion.