Sunday, September 25, 2011

the trapeze

at a recent womens' retreat for church, my pastor told a great story about a trapeze. a story that really applies to my life right now. 

 "Sometimes I imagine that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I’m either holding on to a trapeze bar swinging alone, or for a few moments, I’m hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.  Most of the time, I’m hanging on for dear life to my illusive  trapeze bar of the moment. It swings me along at a certain steady rate and I imagine that I'm in control of my life. As I swing, I know most of the right questions and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I’m merrily (or not-so-merrily) swinging along, I see   another trapeze bar swinging towards me.  Deep inside, there is a place that ‘knows’ that this new trapeze bar has my name on it.  It represents to me my next step, my growth and aliveness coming to receive me. In my heart-of-hearts, I know that in order for me to grow, I must release my iron grip on this present bar and move to the new one. Without guarantees, I choose to do it anyway because to keep holding on to the current iron bar is no longer on my list of alternatives, and so for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand life times, I soar across the dark void of ‘the past is gone, the future is not yet here’.  This place is transition.  I have come to believe that this is the only place that real change occurs, not the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get pushed."

I see that next trapeze in my life hurtling towards me, but do I want to let go? 
I am being shoved off of one trapeze and onto another this Saturday when I move out of my apartment and back into my parents, but I am willingly preparing to let go of a different trapeze. A much bigger one. And for a while, I might just be hurtling through space, not knowing what will come next. 
Next semester, I will continue my schooling. And not because I plan to fail this semester and not graduate, but rather because I will be taking the prerequisites for an entirely different program. I register for classes on Oct 10th and I am excited! This is a new trapeze for me, one that I am not sure where it will swing next, but I am ready to be on that next trapeze. 

1 comment:

  1. So tell me, my dear little one, what will you be studying?